Fatherhood is finally getting a little attention from a Playboy Playmate.
You know that nightmare where an excruciatingly attractive Playboy Playmate of the Year and a professional skate star ridicule you on national television? No? That’s cool. MTV made sure you and thousands of other viewers could live it vicariously through me.
Aside from those that came in the first few days (The Ellen Show, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Today Show, GMA, etc.), I’ve turned down every offer. Every cent of profit that’s connected with this blog goes directly into 529 plans for Greyson and Charlotte, but I’m still cautious as to how I earn that income. So with that being said, I must admit that the folks at MTV were very kind (and persuasive). For one time only, I licensed the video–for a nominal fee–to Ridiculousness.
I had only one stipulation: “Do not ridicule my daughter.” I’m happy to say they honored that request, and instead, did this. Here’s a transcript (or just skip to 14:48 in the video above).
Host: Oh no. Awe, whatcha doin’ little baby?
Motorboat. Reaction. Uproarious laughter from the audience.
Playmate: Oh my god. Wait. Those, those cut-off shorts scare me more than anything on that guy. Look at that. Who, what…? Look at his shorts!
Host: OH MY GOD! We got the…look at his pasty thighs! Look at his…
Playmate: I mean, do men wear those? I don’t…
Host: Oh my god. I’ve watched this video and thought it was so cute, over and over. Until now when all I see is two man thighs. Like, I can’t even look at it.
Playmate: If his legs are that scary in his outfit, can you imagine what that baby is looking at?!
Just so we’re clear, I’ve got thick skin and (as evidenced by the video) a densely woven forest of body hair. This stuff doesn’t even begin to hurt my feelings. In fact, my wife showed it to her eighth graders today…every single one of them.
And now they all totally judge her for sleeping with me.